Guardians of the Glacier and other stories

I started this blog with the hope of updating regularly. did not happen. I just looked and my last post was in June 2009. Not that there has been nothing to write about, but didn't feel up to it.
I got a promotion. Not at my work place but at home. I'm a dad now. scary and exciting at the same time. We've got a little baby girl to take care of now. She is almost 2 months old. But it looks like she will take care of herself pretty much.
My In-laws are here. I'm off the hook until they leave, in a couple of months. But at the same time it would be nice to be alone as a nuclear family(?) after they leave just relax and unwind. Meanwhile I have to repeatedly think about ways to keep them occupied atleast my FIL, and take them out to see places which is pretty hard since they dont want to budge from home. This is one of those times I miss the Bay Area. Lot of things to do, especially for them.
We are out of drinking water.
So I went to the local HEB(grocery chain in Texas) to buy drinking water. There is a glacier water fountain outside the store. I parked my car and started walking towards the machine with a couple of dollar bills in one hand and my 3 gallon can in the other. As I went near the thing suddenly something white and furry shot out from underneath the machine dragging some other thing which was dark and furry and started barking at me furiously. I got the shock of my life. Turned out they were two dogs chained together and left there by their intelligent owner who was in one of the nearby shops, blissfully unaware of my predicament.
Mr. White dog was extremely protective of Ms. Brown dog and was barking at me with much gusto while Ms. Brown dog didn't give a damn but was mildly annoyed at being dragged along for the ride. She had no choice coz they were chained together. So I beat a hasty retreat and at the same time started planning out my strategy. Should I tell my wife that i was not allowed to fetch her water by the Guardian Beasts of the Glacier? She's not going to buy that. So I stepped into the store and smiled at one of the red t-shirt clad store employees. I told her of the situation. She immediately went into battle mode. She picked up the phone and called the manager explaining the situation and then through PA system announced the kind people who left their pets near the water fountain to "kindly claim them and also retrieve their common sense from wherever they've parked it"... ha.. that would have been a perfect announcement.
So the good manager, a wise man, came out, took a look at the dogs and waited along with me a little distance away from the dogs and the glacier machine. Mr. White was keeping a wary eye on both of us and was decided tha the distance we were maintaining was ok. Then a nice lady, came rushing out who turned out to be the assistant manager of the store and before we could say a word rushed towards the dogs cooing "ooh hello doggy doggy!!". All hell broke loose. She ran back inside at double the speed with her tail between her legs and I haven't seen her since. Finally I couldn't wait any longer and went inside the store and bought a couple of gallon cans. I came out and the dogs were gone. I bet the owners were not that dumb are atleast retrieved the common sense first. That is why they hid somewhere until we all walked back inside and quietly took their dogs away when nobody was looking!

Happy Chinese New Year!!

Its been quite a while since I blogged. And the title is totally unrelated to the post.

I'm watching the perfectly white and majestic hills around Salt Lake City, UT. Its really a sight to sore eyes, all this natural beauty and blah blah blah.. but this place sucks big time, after a while.
You can visit here for a short vacation, hit the slopes, look around a little bit and go back to where you came from. To live and work here is not something you should try to do. There is absolutely nothing at all here. Technically, I'm not living here. I travel back and forth and don't get me started on that!!
Anyway, we(me and a few other colleagues) went out for lunch. We were standing in line to place our orders and there were these four pretty girls standing behind us. One look at what they were wearing and we knew they were med students. The girls started a conversation with the last guy in our team. He being the only single guy in our team was pretty excited. This is how it went.

Girl: Hi!! Where're you from?
Guy(proudly): California. Actually L.A, you know.
Girl: Hmmm.. The weather should be great over there.
Guy (warming up): Oh Yeah. Bright and sunny.
Girl: You here on vacation?
Guy(feeling pretty important, knowing we were all listening): Oh no! I'm here on business. I'm a software consultant, you know, for company.
Girl: Wow. Thats cool!!
A pause. Smiling and nodding. Girls looking at each other and smiling.
Girl: So what do you do after work?
Guy(getting bold): Well.. I'm pretty stuffed up with work for most of the day.. Are there any good bars, clubs around here? Maybe you guys give me some tips or take me around.
Girl:Well.. there are a few good places (proceeds to name a few).
If you are interested, there are some pretty good high class places but would cost a bit more, you know.
Guy(now really into it): Well, that wouldn't be a problem for me.
A pause again and more smiling and nodding.
Girl(taking a deep breath): Don't take this personally.. but, do you have your teeth cleaned regularly? Do you have dental insurance?
Guy(totally taken aback): What?!! I mean why?.. I don't. But my teeth are quite good!! I take good care of them!!
Girl: Well, we are all dental students and you can have your teeth cleaned for just $5. Its very cheap. You can bring your friends too!!! are you interested?
Rest of us: (trying very hard not to burst out laughing)
Guy(going red in the face, thinking about the miserable meal he is gonna have to sit through with the rest of us): well.. yes... no... thank you... But I'm.. I'm good... thanks. See ya.. bye.
Waitress: sir..SIR!! Can I take your order please??!!

I would say that was a very good appetizer.. atleast for the rest of us.

Blistering Barnacles

I'm generally a very soft natured guy. I've got enormous amounts of patience and take most things positively and move on. But there are certain situations that drive me into a murderous rage.
After successfully moving to the Golden State of California, my wife looked around the empty apartment and decided on the spot that she has got some serious shopping to do. You know what that implies, but you don't say a word and play long. There's furniture to buy, utensils, bedding and stuff and of course jewelry, clothing and whatever accessories which "we" come across on the shopping spree.
We hit a nearby mall first to just look around and of course "we" made a beeline for Kohls. Now if you are guessing the reason for my murderous rage... is shopping, then you are absolutely wrong.
It was something else that happened there and a few other places and continues to happen to all those poor ignorant Indian souls.
We were going about our business, looking at various items of interest. Then suddenly out of the corner of my eye, I spy a well-dressed, smart looking Indian guy, wearing rimless glasses, pushing his shopping cart toward me. He's got a jazzy looking, heavily made-up wife tagging along. I move closer towards the rack to let him pass by. But no. He ha no intention of moving on without saying a "hi" to a fellow country man.He stops right near me and does just that. Says Hi.He's got this stupid fixed smile on his face.
He just doesn't say Hi.
He says "Hiiiiii!! I'm so-and-so. Are you living in such-and-such area? We are also from around there!!"
Wait a minute. I never said I'm from that area.
Then he proceeds to shove his business card into my face which I couldn't read since it went out of focus.
Then it hits me what this guy is all about.
This is one of those guys who got themselves enrolled in some kind of network marketing stuff and are always on the lookout for unsuspecting bakras like me. They are like the birds of prey, when they see one, they swoop down and collar the prey firmly by the neck and squeeze the life out of them.
I HATE THESE GUYS!!
With all the raging emotions running amok inside me, I keep a blank expression on my face and tell him, "I'm not from around here. I'm from India". I watched his smile falter for a second since he didn't expect it. Then he recovers and the stupid fake smile is back on, he starts saying something again.
Contrary to my nature, I cut him off mid-sentence and say, "Sorry. I gotta go. I'm in a hurry." and push off without waiting for a reply. Whew, that was close!
Occasionally, I used to run into these guys when I lived in Michigan. But thankfully, Texas was devoid of vermin like these.
But in California, these guys are dime-a-dozen. They are all over the place. Indian restaurants, walmarts,macys, kohls, all major malls. Their one sole purpose in life is to pull every one they meet into the s**t they are wallowing in already. They have several pickup lines. If they see you as a couple, the wife would come and comment on your wife's salwar or earrings etc. Then the guy would join in. And soon enough, before you know it, you are staring at a glossy business card and unconciously giving out your phone number.
They don't have a life. They don't have real friends. They look at everyone as a prospective business opportunity. Sometimes I pity these guys. Its like an addiction. The pitiful part is they don't even know they are addicted and all the good things in life they miss because of this.
I've heard friends say how they avoid such friends, avoid inviting them to parties since they just can't keep their business out of any friendly social gathering and upset other people who are there to have a good time.

Nowadays, me and my wife can identify these buggers from afar and move out of their line of sight. If at all they spring up suddenly and corner me in a lonely aisle, I politely, are not so politely if its a hard nut case, tell them to shove off and find someone else, since we are late for something else.
But You know what,I'm waiting to meet my next assailant. Coz I have several "polite" shove-off lines ready for their pick up lines, that I would like to shove down their sorry throats. Yeah!

The Tree

I read this post by Ferrari and it reminded me of something I did long long ago.
I was in high school and we lived in a place with lotsa trees around. My favorite hang out was on a stout branch of an old tamarind tree next to our house. Of course, that was not the only tree I inhabited. At this point, I know exactly what you are thinking about me. Come on guys, someone has to uphold our legacy, right? During the study holidays for the dreaded public exam, I inform my mom that I'll be up in my quarters studying. ;) I take up a few books with me. I loved to climb up on the branch leaving the cares of the world at the foot of the tree. I enjoyed the solitude at the top, the gentle rustle of the leaves, the soft chirping of the birds (who got used to me after a few days), the tangy taste of the puliyangai (tamarind) hanging from the branches at arms reach. One such day, as I perch myself on the branch and fall into a silent reverie, a katterumbu (a big black ant that lives on trees) and its girl friend walk by.They bump into me and size me up with their tiny feelers.
Intelligent she-ant: Hmmm. What do you think this is?
Dumb He-ant: huh? Is it edible.
She-ant: Its definitely not part of our tree. Its warmer...
He-ant: Can we taste it?
She-ant: Its moving too!!
He-ant: Can I take a bite? Hell I am gonna take a bite.. (crunch)
She-ant: Noooooo!!!

ME: eeeeeoooOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!#$%^#&^#$

Wham! Splat! Die you filthy insect!... And that is the end of their sad ant-love story. Of course, I didn't know all the above background info.

Well, I've totally digressed from what I wanted to say here and whenever I digress my imagination runs wild resulting in unnecessary additional tracks about dumb ants and their intelligent girl friends.
Ok. My passion for climbing trees had made me climb many a tree, but the straight branchless coconut tree had always looked a bit more daunting for me. I used to watch the tree-climbers who use some kind of ropes and cycle tire tube combos and fashion a loop out of it and effortlessly pull themselves up the tree. After watching them for a short while, well actually for a long while, I learnt theoritically how to climb a coconut tree. I decided to apply my knowledge of tree-climbing. I selected a regular sized coconut tree. I folded an old cycle tube and put both my feet into it and stretched so that I could grip the trunk with my feet. I jumped up and hugged the tree with both hands and immediately lifted my feet, rubber tubing and all, to grip the tree. At that instant, my palms started to sweat in spite of the cool breeze. The few crows which were hanging out on a nearby tree branch took flight and started flying aroung randomly, incessantly cawing out loud. I took it in a positive sense that they were cheering me on. I lunged up and climbed a few more feet. At this point my feet started sweating. A group of squirrels, three to be exact, settled down on another tree nearby and were enjoying the show. I could almost hear them snickering and whispering among themselves "moron". So the crows aren't really cheering me on? I hugged the tree tighter, hanging on to dear life between heaven and earth. Can't go up. Can't go down. Afraid to let go of either hand or foot. More frightened that someone would come out of my house and find me in this ridiculous position. Believe me there would be no end to it. I'll be the butt of their jokes for the next 1 year atleast and it would be repeated to every relative and friend without any mercy.
Finally my feet couldn't hold on and slipped totally. The rubber tube fell to the ground. Meanwhile I was judging the right place to jump/fall (whichever happens) since the ground was pretty rough and thorny and I was barefoot. I held on to the trunk as tight as I can with my feet and tried to slide myself down. Unfortunately the blisters on the tree got me and I instinctively let go of the tree. And after a short flight I found myself sprawled on my back.
When my eyes focussed again, the crows had settled back on their branch giving me a stern look. The squireles chuckled and shook their heads, "what a loser" and went back to whatever they were doing.
I escaped with a few bruises and scratches but my pride was hurt the most. I got back on my feet, checked for major damage, and trudged back to my perch to brood about the unfortunate incident and life's unfairness in general. I realized, fortunately no one saw me and hey, I climbed half, well almost half a regular sized coconut tree.

Flight into danger

I read a couple of news items today. In this one, an American Airlines flight attendant refused to provide oxygen to a passenger with a breathing problem. Later they relented and tried to administrer oxygen, but found the oxygen tank empty. The passenger eventually died mid flight!! In the other one, the co-pilot died mid flight(of natural causes)!!! Considering all the flying I do, my mind started imagining various scenarios..
After all those elaborate safety instructions, which you never listen to nowadays anyway, your flight takes off. Mid flight a window blows off and there is fall in pressure at 35000 ft. Promptly the yellow oxygen masks drop down. You remember the instructions and strap it on and.. breathe in.. nothing happens.. no oxygen!! Looks like somebody forgot to fill up the oxygen tanks.. you can't do anything about it at that point, I guess. Pretty hopeless situation.

Now this actually happened on my flight back home yesterday.. The airport in my hometown is a pretty small one, meaning there's not so much traffic.. It was mid afternoon and the plane was on the final descent. It was wobbling a lot more than it ususally does and my experience (looking out the window week after week on the same flight) told me something was not right. The plane was very close to the ground but had definitely overshot the runway! So the pilot aborted the landing and immediately lifted off to circle the airport.. A very shaky voice trying to sound calm, announced over the P.A System "This is the captain speaking. We haven't been cleared for landing yet. We will get you on the ground as soon as possible." I don't believe a word of it. Man, was it scary!! We eventually did make it down, safe and sound, on the next attempt. I looked around at the other faces around me. The frequent fliers did know the difference!!