The Tree

I read this post by Ferrari and it reminded me of something I did long long ago.
I was in high school and we lived in a place with lotsa trees around. My favorite hang out was on a stout branch of an old tamarind tree next to our house. Of course, that was not the only tree I inhabited. At this point, I know exactly what you are thinking about me. Come on guys, someone has to uphold our legacy, right? During the study holidays for the dreaded public exam, I inform my mom that I'll be up in my quarters studying. ;) I take up a few books with me. I loved to climb up on the branch leaving the cares of the world at the foot of the tree. I enjoyed the solitude at the top, the gentle rustle of the leaves, the soft chirping of the birds (who got used to me after a few days), the tangy taste of the puliyangai (tamarind) hanging from the branches at arms reach. One such day, as I perch myself on the branch and fall into a silent reverie, a katterumbu (a big black ant that lives on trees) and its girl friend walk by.They bump into me and size me up with their tiny feelers.
Intelligent she-ant: Hmmm. What do you think this is?
Dumb He-ant: huh? Is it edible.
She-ant: Its definitely not part of our tree. Its warmer...
He-ant: Can we taste it?
She-ant: Its moving too!!
He-ant: Can I take a bite? Hell I am gonna take a bite.. (crunch)
She-ant: Noooooo!!!

ME: eeeeeoooOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!#$%^#&^#$

Wham! Splat! Die you filthy insect!... And that is the end of their sad ant-love story. Of course, I didn't know all the above background info.

Well, I've totally digressed from what I wanted to say here and whenever I digress my imagination runs wild resulting in unnecessary additional tracks about dumb ants and their intelligent girl friends.
Ok. My passion for climbing trees had made me climb many a tree, but the straight branchless coconut tree had always looked a bit more daunting for me. I used to watch the tree-climbers who use some kind of ropes and cycle tire tube combos and fashion a loop out of it and effortlessly pull themselves up the tree. After watching them for a short while, well actually for a long while, I learnt theoritically how to climb a coconut tree. I decided to apply my knowledge of tree-climbing. I selected a regular sized coconut tree. I folded an old cycle tube and put both my feet into it and stretched so that I could grip the trunk with my feet. I jumped up and hugged the tree with both hands and immediately lifted my feet, rubber tubing and all, to grip the tree. At that instant, my palms started to sweat in spite of the cool breeze. The few crows which were hanging out on a nearby tree branch took flight and started flying aroung randomly, incessantly cawing out loud. I took it in a positive sense that they were cheering me on. I lunged up and climbed a few more feet. At this point my feet started sweating. A group of squirrels, three to be exact, settled down on another tree nearby and were enjoying the show. I could almost hear them snickering and whispering among themselves "moron". So the crows aren't really cheering me on? I hugged the tree tighter, hanging on to dear life between heaven and earth. Can't go up. Can't go down. Afraid to let go of either hand or foot. More frightened that someone would come out of my house and find me in this ridiculous position. Believe me there would be no end to it. I'll be the butt of their jokes for the next 1 year atleast and it would be repeated to every relative and friend without any mercy.
Finally my feet couldn't hold on and slipped totally. The rubber tube fell to the ground. Meanwhile I was judging the right place to jump/fall (whichever happens) since the ground was pretty rough and thorny and I was barefoot. I held on to the trunk as tight as I can with my feet and tried to slide myself down. Unfortunately the blisters on the tree got me and I instinctively let go of the tree. And after a short flight I found myself sprawled on my back.
When my eyes focussed again, the crows had settled back on their branch giving me a stern look. The squireles chuckled and shook their heads, "what a loser" and went back to whatever they were doing.
I escaped with a few bruises and scratches but my pride was hurt the most. I got back on my feet, checked for major damage, and trudged back to my perch to brood about the unfortunate incident and life's unfairness in general. I realized, fortunately no one saw me and hey, I climbed half, well almost half a regular sized coconut tree.

Shucks!! :(

Monday Morning. You get in your car and drive like an automaton on the regular route to your office. You take the familiar bend on the road, barely awake and right in the middle of the road is a freshly run-over animal with all its entrails spilled out. Definitely dead. Poor thing. But by the time your mind processes this information its too late and you feel the sickening bump as the wheels run over it. :(
That should definitely ruin your morning. Wait, thats not all. You go home for lunch. Take the same path back to the office. Same bend in the road, barely awake, now, because of the heavy lunch. Again its too late to react and another sickening bump, though a slightly smaller one, as a direct result of so many other wheels running over it all morning. That ruins the rest of the day.
Is there a number to which you can call in the US and get the remains cleared off the road?

shucks!! :(

MegaReels' Mega News

Read this first and then proceed below.

Good Evening. You are watching MegaReel News. In todays breaking news, a girl of Indian origin, making a living in Stockholm stumbled upon an astounding invention that is causing quite a stir among the scientific community across the world. Here is a report.

Ms. Jane Doe(Name changed to protect privacy) had been experimenting with various moisturising creams to keep her skin moist during the harsh winter seasons. She tried a combination of moisturing creams which she purchased from a reputed brand name. She noticed her skin color change purplish when under direct sunlight. Filled with fear, excitement and curiosity, she tried a few more combinations and perfected the art of changing her skin color to any color she wants: green, yellow, red, pink!! You name it, she got it! This has led to her being teased as The Chameleon in her circle and later by the whole community. Scientists who are studying this phenomenon have dubbed it "The Chameleon Effect" and still analyzing the various creams used by her.

Meanwhile, an un-named official from one of the leading Production houses in Hollywood, which by the way is named after a sly animal of the previous 100 years, confirmed under conditions of anonymity that the production rights for the movie about The Chameleon have been purchased by them for a whopping 55 million dollars and 50 cents. Ms. Jane Doe has signed the contract and graciously accepted to act in the movie to be named The Chameleon Chronicles.

Word has come out, that the American CIA is quietly trying to recruit The Chameleon to use her in their quest for the elusive terrorist Osama Bin Laden. Unconfirmed sources within the CIA have said that they came out with this strategy after she successfully changed her skin to a light sandy shade exactly like the sands of the desert.

Our leading correspondent John Smith is reporting live from outside the apartment building of Ms. Jane Doe. Lets hear what he's got to say.

Anchor: Hi John. What is the situation out there?
John (Attempt at cheap humor): Its pretty chilly out here and my skin is getting dry. I'll get my moisturizing lotion.
Anchor(More cheap humor): Ha Ha. Don't show us your true colors John.
John: Well, a group of senior officials from the reputed company who produce these moisturizing creams have just arrived by chopper and rushed in to meet The Cham.. err Ms. Jane Doe. From what we are able to understand, they are here to make her sign a contract to hand over a percentage of whatever she earns out of the deals, since it was their product which have enabled this in the first place. We are still unclear about the terms of the contract. Ms. Jane Doe's attorney, Mr. Lee Zard is with her at this moment, helping her with the negotiations. This is John Smith. MegaReel News. Stockholm.
Anchor: That was John Smith with the developing story. Stay tuned for more MegaReel News after the break.