Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Blistering Barnacles

I'm generally a very soft natured guy. I've got enormous amounts of patience and take most things positively and move on. But there are certain situations that drive me into a murderous rage.
After successfully moving to the Golden State of California, my wife looked around the empty apartment and decided on the spot that she has got some serious shopping to do. You know what that implies, but you don't say a word and play long. There's furniture to buy, utensils, bedding and stuff and of course jewelry, clothing and whatever accessories which "we" come across on the shopping spree.
We hit a nearby mall first to just look around and of course "we" made a beeline for Kohls. Now if you are guessing the reason for my murderous rage... is shopping, then you are absolutely wrong.
It was something else that happened there and a few other places and continues to happen to all those poor ignorant Indian souls.
We were going about our business, looking at various items of interest. Then suddenly out of the corner of my eye, I spy a well-dressed, smart looking Indian guy, wearing rimless glasses, pushing his shopping cart toward me. He's got a jazzy looking, heavily made-up wife tagging along. I move closer towards the rack to let him pass by. But no. He ha no intention of moving on without saying a "hi" to a fellow country man.He stops right near me and does just that. Says Hi.He's got this stupid fixed smile on his face.
He just doesn't say Hi.
He says "Hiiiiii!! I'm so-and-so. Are you living in such-and-such area? We are also from around there!!"
Wait a minute. I never said I'm from that area.
Then he proceeds to shove his business card into my face which I couldn't read since it went out of focus.
Then it hits me what this guy is all about.
This is one of those guys who got themselves enrolled in some kind of network marketing stuff and are always on the lookout for unsuspecting bakras like me. They are like the birds of prey, when they see one, they swoop down and collar the prey firmly by the neck and squeeze the life out of them.
With all the raging emotions running amok inside me, I keep a blank expression on my face and tell him, "I'm not from around here. I'm from India". I watched his smile falter for a second since he didn't expect it. Then he recovers and the stupid fake smile is back on, he starts saying something again.
Contrary to my nature, I cut him off mid-sentence and say, "Sorry. I gotta go. I'm in a hurry." and push off without waiting for a reply. Whew, that was close!
Occasionally, I used to run into these guys when I lived in Michigan. But thankfully, Texas was devoid of vermin like these.
But in California, these guys are dime-a-dozen. They are all over the place. Indian restaurants, walmarts,macys, kohls, all major malls. Their one sole purpose in life is to pull every one they meet into the s**t they are wallowing in already. They have several pickup lines. If they see you as a couple, the wife would come and comment on your wife's salwar or earrings etc. Then the guy would join in. And soon enough, before you know it, you are staring at a glossy business card and unconciously giving out your phone number.
They don't have a life. They don't have real friends. They look at everyone as a prospective business opportunity. Sometimes I pity these guys. Its like an addiction. The pitiful part is they don't even know they are addicted and all the good things in life they miss because of this.
I've heard friends say how they avoid such friends, avoid inviting them to parties since they just can't keep their business out of any friendly social gathering and upset other people who are there to have a good time.

Nowadays, me and my wife can identify these buggers from afar and move out of their line of sight. If at all they spring up suddenly and corner me in a lonely aisle, I politely, are not so politely if its a hard nut case, tell them to shove off and find someone else, since we are late for something else.
But You know what,I'm waiting to meet my next assailant. Coz I have several "polite" shove-off lines ready for their pick up lines, that I would like to shove down their sorry throats. Yeah!


gawker said...

yes..amway-quixtar guys. Usually the proper thing to do when you encounter them is to poke a syringe full of your HIV infected blood into their arms.

Lonestar said...

It is definitely a brilliant idea. Will definitely follow it. Now I know how you successfuly ward off thee guys.

Curious said...

Errrr..Can sure be quiet irritating! there was time in chennai when all my friends were part of these MLM thingies and tried to lure me into it too! am sure it'll surely be a thanks but no thanks for me! :D

How abt back their game at them and selling a imaginary MLM product to one of these? am sure they'll run miles away! :D

Lonestar said...

I'll try that someday :)

Tys on Ice said...

man this one is a curse...nowadays if ever i go for a party, there will be one dude interrupting ur smoke in the balcony with talks abt his work...mostly its the banking guys here...its loan this , mortage that...its depressing...

need some of that lines of urs..

Lonestar said...

You know what? Right now I would love it if a guy approaches me to talk about loans. I'm seriously looking out for one.


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